M Pacman!!!

You know the good old arcade game called "Pacman",. where you guide pacman around the maze and eat all the little white dots whilst avoiding the nasty ghosts.

For some reason I feel like I'm Pacman..who is stuck in a maze called life.. and the 4 nasty ghosts that I keep avoiding are Marriage, Truth, 'people who tell me what I am doing is wrong', and sometimes myself. And the white dots represent the small little temporary things that makes me happy and keeps me going. I don’t know why I avoid these things which are bound to happen sometime or the other. Like for example my Marriage... I was never against getting married. Infact marriage was like my all time dream and like every normal girl I too wanted to have a happily married wonderful life. And now that my mom has my bio-data posted on almost all matrimony website and when proposals keep pouring in everyday, I am all worried and thinking if this is what I wanted, to have a colorful 2-day celebration called 'wedding' and spend the rest of my life with someone I dont love??

Now when i read my previous post.. I find so silly and dumb.. I cant believe I wrote this.

Duh!!! Love is Love??..haha how lame!! I have become so cynical off late.

My cousin has just got engaged, and you can find her always chit chatting with her fiancée like she has known him since ages. It just surprises me to see her getting all excited when she gets a mail from him or when she is talking to him over the phone. I am all happy for her.. but I don’t know if I would be as excited as she is when ill get a call from someone whom I've just met, even if he is my fiancée.

The temporary things that keeps me happy are the things which are gonna fade away very soon. Its the truth but I keep running away from it, or maybe I am not thinking about how hard it is going to be when I have to let go of it when the times come.