Hmmm ..errr.. welll.. what else?

I was silent for 8 hrs today... Its really sad I know.. but that’s what has happened on this awful Awful Monday. Missed my one and only project partner (for a change) as he was busy with some training all day.

There wasn any work to do and I was so bored. I resorted to sending SMSs for a while, and then got bored with that too. Then I thought Ill call and speak to ‘S’ and so started to dial his number and suddenly changed my mind and cut the call before it stared to ring. Exactly a year back, I used to talk to him for more than twice a day and each call would last for a minimum of 15 mins.. And now although I really like talking to him.. I feel so guarded and have nothing to tell him and I wonder why.

I keep quite when I should be talking and talk when I should be keeping quite. And every time after speaking to him, I end up asking myself *with a blurred look* “What was I saying?” … “Why dint I have anything to say?”… I feel so conscious while talking to him over the phone.. and in person its even worse. I guess I don’t want him to read my mind and so I land up saying something very stupid or just keep quite. This has never happened to me before and I really wonder what the hell is wrong with me.

Hmm yeah.. I kinda like this guy.. but I really don’t know what happens to me .. I have nothing interesting to tell him, nothing at all. So I decided I shall not call him. It might be the stupidest thing to do.. but I don’t like him to think of me as a uninterested dumb gal. Dear sweet God.. please help me.. please help me to be myself and not dumb and speachless... I am meeting him this weekend.. and I really want him to like me.